


The Feline Blunder

by larosesombre, TheGardenGnomesEmporium



Series: Dumbledore's Greatest Mistakes [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Being an Idiot, Albus Dumbledore Makes Mistakes, Animagus Minerva McGonagall, Comedy, Flitwick gives the worst advice, Gen, Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Era, Humour, Muggle London, Shrubbery Dog, The Golden Trio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-14 03:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20594027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larosesombre/pseuds/larosesombre, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGardenGnomesEmporium/pseuds/TheGardenGnomesEmporium
Summary: Albus Dumbledore rarely makes mistakes, but when he does, they are always spectacular. One day, Albus stumbles across Minerva McGonagall while she is in her animagus form, but she's acting rather odd. What follows is a hectic, maddening tale of Albus trying to get her back to the safety of Hogwarts. But are Albus’ efforts all for nothing?





	The Feline Blunder

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first installment in a series about Albus Dumbledore making mistakes and just generally being an idiot. Enjoy! -- [larosesombre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/larosesombre/profile) and Omega Iris, co-authors for TheGardenGnomesEmporium

  
Albus Dumbledore wasn't a man who generally made mistakes, sure he made small ones every now and then, ordering firewhisky instead of butterbeer or leaving the iron on, but he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life. Afterwords he would try to explain it off as something that "could happen to anyone". But it really wasn't.

Albus was out for a nighttime stroll in the muggle world. It was a calm night, there were barely any clouds in the sky. As Albus walked he could feel a pair of eyes watching him from the shadows. In the suburbs of London, it wasn't unreasonable to imagine that it was a stray pigeon, so Albus was startled to see a farmiliar tabby cat, standing atop a nearby fence. However the cat just stared at Albus, standing so still she could almost be mistaken for a statue. Albus stared at the cat for a good 30 seconds, waiting for her to move. Evetually Albus gave up, walked to stand next to the cat and said.

"Fancy seeing you here Professor McGonagall." Minerva stared blankly at Albus, her eyes glinting off the light from the street lamps. Slowly Minerva got up and stretched. Albus almost winced when he saw the sharp dip of the back. "Be careful." He said with concern. "If you pull your back I'll have to take over your class."

  
Minerva blinked at Albus, then jumped down off the wall gracefully and trotted slowly out into the street. Albus watched as she sat down in the middle of the street. Minerva tilted her head slightly as she stared at Albus, her ears perking up slightly.

"Professor McGonagall." Albus proclaimed. "You are aware that muggles drive automobiles their in the streets and it's likely that a muggle driver would not see you in your animagus form." Minerva stared blankly, clearly not caring about what he had to say.

Albus' brain was whirring at the speed of a golden snitch, trying to figure out what was wrong with Minerva. He was so focused on his thoughts that he gave a small jump when he heard the sound of an engine. The flash of headlights turning onto the street demanded his attention. The car was closing in, the space between it and Minerva growing smaller and smaller by the second. Albus was about to do something, he fumbled to find his wand in the fold of his robes when Minerva calmly stood up and walked out of the way, as the car zipped past barely missing her tail.

"That was cutting it a bit close Professor McGonagall." Said Albus. Minerva, who had now settled in front of Albus, let out a small mew while staring into Albus' bright blue eyes. “Minerva, what are you up to?” Albus sighed, staring down at her. “I know it’s you, care to tell me why you’re acting so odd?” Albus’ eyes widened as Minerva began liking her left leg. “What are you doing?” He hissed. “Are you feeling alright? You’re being utterly—” He broke off, averting his eyes quickly as she shifted her attention to a more... private area. “Minerva!” Albus breathed in a scandalized whisper. “Please! You are not an actual cat, you are a woman. Please, spare me this horrible display!”

Minerva stopped as quickly as she had begun and flopped down on the sidewalk as a monstrous purr errupted from her. If Albus hadn't known any better, he would have thought she sounded proud of herself.

“Perhaps you have had some of Rosemerta’s mulled mead?” Albus suggested. “Does funny things to the brain. I’ll just leave you to yourself now.” With a swish of his robes, Albus continued his stroll down the muggle street. Not minutes after having left Minerva to bath herself like a cat, she turned up beside Albus, trotting along happily as though she had just caught the world's tastiest mouse and couldn't be prouder of herself.

Albus was just going to let it go and try to enjoy the rest of his walk, but he found it difficult to ignore Minerva. She would trot along behind him, then stop and pounce on a pile of leaves, or on a candy bar wrapper that blew past Albus’ feet. She kept meowing at him, no matter how many times he tried to tell her he didn’t “speak cat”. When she nearly tripped him for the fifth time by rubbing up against his leg, Albus had finally had enough.

“If you don’t start behaving normally, I'm going to have take you back to Hogwarts and have Poppy take a look at you." Minerva continued to purr and rubbed up against Albus' leg. "Really, you're beginning to worry me.” This was true. Albus didn’t like to worry about his staff, but sometimes it was necessary. He was especially concerned when it came to Minerva McGonagall. A woman who was so stoic, she could have an arrow sticking out of her shoulder and still try to teach her class. The fact that she was acting so oddly now was beginning to worry him. The worry only intensified when, from off to the left, a noise started from one of the hedged gardens. Somewhere behind the immaculately trimmed shrubbery a dog was barking.

“Minerva, if you insist on continuing this game then I suggest we move on quickly, there's no need to bring a dog into this.” Albus told Minerva, but she was no where to be seen. “Minerva?” said Albus, while searching frantically for her. The shrubbery dog bark intensified. Albus looked toward the noise and found Minerva, facing the hedge, her back arched so high you could count the bones in her spine. Her tail fluffed up so big that it appeared more than double its normal size. She was hissing at the shrubbery dog on the other side of the hedge.

“Minerva!” Albus gasped. “I understand that you are intent on continuing this charade but this is getting ridiculous. I think it might be best to take you to see Poppy.” The words were barely out of his mouth before Minerva began to move. The barking got louder, and she tensed up. Before Albus could take a step, Minerva was running toward him at top speed. Albus stumbled back into the road as her little claws latched onto the bottom of his robes. Evidently the dog had frightened her so much that she was now trying to... climb his leg?

"Minerva!" Albus couldn't stop himself, his instinct was to shake her off. "Minerva, please stop! Minerva, your claw is in my leg!" If anyone had walked past they would have been confused by the sight. A grown, bearded man, dressed in robes, hopping in the middle of the road on one leg with a cat clinging to the other.  
"Minerva, that is quite enough." Albus said firmly while attempting to pull Minerva off his leg, but her grip was too strong. Minerva was holding on for dear life, as though Albus was the only thing between her, and getting eaten by a shrubbery dog. Albus decided this was the last straw, and apparated to Hogsmeade with Minerva still clutched to his pant leg. With a load crack Albus and Minerva vanished from the muggle street and appeared on the main street of Hogsmeade. However, Albus had forgotten that today was anniversary of the Three Broomsticks, and Madame Rosemerta was throwing a huge party in celebration.

Before Albus could dislodge Minerva from his robes, Madame Rosemerta came running out of the pub. "Albus! You came to join us. Look how excited you are, dancing before you get through the door!"

Albus was too flustered to contradict Rosemerta. He didn't have to however, she quickly noticed Minerva who was still hanging from Albus' pant leg.

"Albus! My goodness!" Madame Rosemerta cried out. "You've got a cat hanging off of you!"

"Ah," Albus said, trying desperately to come up with a way out of the conversation without embarrassing Minerva. "Well..." said Albus, looking around nervously. "You see... I had an... an altercation."

"With a tabby cat? Merlin's beard, what have you been up to?" Rosemerta demanded.

"Well, it's not that bad. I can explain, I'm sure that-"

"Albus! You're scaring the poor thing." Madame Rosemerta shouted. She suddenly became far less welcoming. She rushed over, crouched beside Albus, and gently pried Minerva off his leg. "Let's get you inside. I have some chicken I can give you. You'll be safer there." She shot a dangerous look at Albus. "Safer than out here. Really Albus, I thought you of all people would know how to treat cats. Has Minerva taught you nothing?"

"Ah... yes." Albus said. Rosemerta turned to bring Minerva inside. "Wait!" Albus cried after Rosemerta. She turned with Minerva in hand and stared expectantly at Albus. "There's a problem with the cat!" Albus blurted out.

"A problem?" Madam Rosemerta asked, staring at Minerva. "Whatever do you mean?"

"The problem is that the cat is actually um... um... the sorting hat!" Rosemerta gave Albus a confused look. "I accidentally transfigured the... um... sorting hat. Into a cat. Yup."

"What?!" Rosemerta said, her eyes practically jumping out of her head.

"I can't leave it here! That's a Hogwarts heirloom. I really can't leave it here." Albus said.

"Merlin's beard Albus, how did you manage to do that? How did the cat get out here?" Rosemerta said as she handed the cat back to Albus.

"Quite the tale it is Rosemerta, quite a tale, but I haven't the time to tell it now. It is essential to get this cat back to the castle so that I can transfigure it back to its proper form." Albus replied while slowly stepping backwards toward the castle.

"Then I expect to hear the story very soon, Albus." Rosemerta said turning back to the pub.

"And you will Rosemerta, very soon." Albus made a promise to himself not to go into Hogsmeade for the next week, or at least until he could come up with a more convincing story. With Minerva wrapped securely in his arms Albus started off toward Hogwarts at a quick pace. To calm his somewhat shattered nerves he began talking to himself. Or to Minerva. He wasn't quite sure. "When we get back I will have Poppy examine you. Maybe Severus. I don't know, I want all the help I can get. What in the world would make you act like this? Got to hurry up, got to get back, got to find help. Why did I have to be the one to find you like this?"

Albus continued mumbling like this all the way passed the gates of Hogsmeade, the winged boars at the entrance of the castle, and up the front steps of Hogwarts. Albus tried to take the most discrete path through Hogwarts to get to the hospital wing, but it didn't work. While Albus was passing Boris the Bewildered he stumbled right into tiny Professor Flitwick.

Flitwick, unfortunately, was not stupid. Albus never wished that a member of his staff would be stupid, but he found himself desperately hoping that Filius would suddenly suffer from a bout of idiocy that would result in him missing the cat. He didn't.

"Headmaster! What have you got there?"

"Oh...umm..." Albus said while trying to hide Minerva in his cloak.

"Is that a cat?" Flitwick asked curiously.

"No... I mean yes." Albus said nervously. "I'm taking it to see Poppy."

"Oh!" Squeaked Flitwick. "Why would you need to take a cat to see Poppy?"

"Well..." Albus was thinking as fast as he could. "The cat is uhhhh.... cursed! A student put a horrible curse on this cat and I must take it to Poppy immediately."

"Oh! Poor kitty! You know, I can think of several other people who might know a bit more about helping cats than Poppy."

"Who?" Albus asked reluctantly.

"Well, Filch for one. After all, he's got Mrs. Norris." Flitwick drew in a squeaky little gasp. "Oh! They could be best friends!!!" That sounded awful for all parties. Minerva would hate it, and Albus would never leave her with Filch of all people. "Or Hagrid, he loves animals." Definitely not. Hagrid meant well, but again Albus could not leave Minerva with him. He'd never understand the situation.

"I really think it's better if I take her to the hospital wing." Albus told Professor Flitwick.

"Are you quite sure Albus?" Flitwick asked. "I mean if it is a curse then maybe Professor Snape is the one you want to see, curses are his specialty."

"No!" Albus said a bit too quickly. He trusted Severus with his life, but despite Severus and Minerva being friends the did have the Gryffindor Slytherin rivalry. If Severus were to find out about this... no, that was definitely not an option. "I promised Poppy that she could handle this. She's been um... lonely recently so I told her she could handle this case." Albus hoped that Poppy wouldn't mind being thrown under the bus to save Minerva. It was fine, being lonely wasn't as weird as being a cat.

"Oh," Flitwick said. "If Poppy is feeling lonely then why doesn't she join us in the staff room more?"

"Well she is rather busy all the time." Albus said. "You know with students and... cats. She doesn't have time to hang around in the staff room." Flitwick was about to respond, but Albus didn't have time. Minerva had begun to kneed Albus' cloak and appeared to be settling in for a nap. "I really must be going now Filius. Why don't we continue this chat later?"

Leaving a rather confused Flitwick standing staring after him, Albus rushed off toward the hospital wing. He almost ran into Snape, but hid behind a crowd of students to avoid him. Albus was almost there at the hospital wing, it was in sight, when, all of a sudden, he ran head first into three students. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley. Miss Granger let out a little squeal when she saw Minerva.

"Professor! A cat! She's so cute!"

"Indeed she is Miss Granger. I'm quite busy at the moment, it would be best if I just--"

"Professor!" Ronald Weasley interjected. "I don't think we've ever seen you around the castle. What are you doing?" Hermione stomped on Ron's foot.

"As much as I enjoy a lengthy conversation Mr Weasley, I am in a bit of a rush right now."

Cradling Minerva closer he tried to move past the three students, but an awe filled whisper from Miss Granger stopped him in his tracks. "Sir! Is that... Professor McGonagall?" Albus froze and slowly turned on the spot to face his students. Mr Weasley doubled over and began to laugh.  
"That cat! Our Professor! You've cracked Hermione, there's no way!"

Albus joined in with a nervous chuckle. "Quite. What an absurd notion." Albus began slowly walking backwards away from the trio.

"But Professor, I recognize those markings around her eyes, that's definitely Professor McGonagall!" Hermione said.

"You're barking Hermione, why would Professor Dumbledore be carrying Professor McGonagall while she's in cat form?" Ron said. "It's not like she'd be let him do it. She'd have to be injured or something before her dignity would allow it."

Hermione's eyes widened. "IS SHE HURT!?" She gasped. "Professor!!!"

"She's fine!" Albus hissed. He wanted to turn around and run, but he was a teacher, and he had some damage control to do now.

"SHE'S FINE!? You admit that's her!??!" Hermione screeched.

"Miss Granger please!" Albus was trying his best to think of a way to get rid of the students, it was quite wonderful having students as bright as young Granger. However in a situation like this one it was rather troublesome. Luckily, before Albus had to come up with another excuse, the bell rang. "You don't want to be late for class!"

"But we have Transfiguration next!!!" Hermione wailed. "And my Professor is a cat!!! Not just a cat, a DYING cat!!!"

"She is not dying!" Albus was utterly exasperated. "PLEASE GO TO CLASS." At this point Poppy came out into the hall to see what all the yelling was about.   
"Albus? What's going on?"

"OH POPPY THANK MERLIN! Let me in, these students are terrorizing me!" Albus practically screeched, rushing past Poppy in through the door. Damage control be damned. He did not want to deal with his students right then.

A minute later Poppy came running in through the door.

"What in the name of Merlin was that about Albus?" Madame Pomfrey asked.

"Oh Poppy! Poppy! Please! I need your help immediately! Come quick, it's Minerva! Somethings happened to her." Albus cried as he set Minerva down on one of the hospital beds. Madame Pomfrey walked over to examine Minerva.

"Albus..."

"I think she's been cursed, or she's sick, or maybe she's actually dying! Help her! Please, Poppy!"

"Albus."

"She's injured maybe. I don't know what to do, I'm so worried! Poppy, do something!!!"

"Albus! Listen to me!"

"Poppy! You don't understand! There's something terribly wrong with Minerva. She was hissing at a dog, she was clawing at my pants, she almost got hit by a muggle automobile. Actually! I think she might have been trying to get hit by the muggle Automobile! Oh Poppy, there's something terribly wrong! Please do something!"

"ALBUS PERCIVAL WULFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE!!!!!" Madam Pomfrey shouted. "Would you be quiet and listen to me for one bloody second?!"

Albus stopped. Poppy rarely yelled, so if she was yelling then it was probably worth listening to.

"Albus, that cat is not Minerva."

Albus snorted. "What? Poppy, I think I can recognize Minerva McGonagall when I see her."

"I hate to tell you this, Albus, but you clearly can't. This," Poppy said, gesturing at the cat. "is just a regular cat. It's not even a kneazle. It's just an ordinary cat." Albus thought about this information for a few seconds.

"But Poppy..." Albus said, trying to process everything. "That cat, is Minerva. Don't you see the markings around her eyes? It's exactly like Minerva's"

"It's eyes are the wrong colour. This cat has green eyes, Minerva has yellow eyes. Besides, this cat looks distinctly unintelligent. Also, I just saw Minerva in the hall. She looked... not like a cat." Before Albus has the time to realize that he might have been wrong Minerva McGonagall burst into the hospital wing.

"Albus!" Minerva gasped. "Miss Granger has just told me a rather interesting tale." Albus began to look from the cat to Minerva and back. "She said that she, accompanied by Mr Potter and Mr Weasley, saw you holding me while trying to get into the hospital wing!"

"Look what you've done, Albus." Poppy snapped at him. "You are ridiculous!"

Minerva looked down at the cat, then looked up at Albus. Her expression changed from one of confusion to one of realization, annoyance, even anger, but Albus thought he a bit of amusement flashed across her face as well. "Albus, I've just had Ms Granger cry all over me because she thought I was dying. You'd better have a good explanation, and if it's what I think it is..."

Albus took one look at Minerva, Poppy, and the cat, sucked in a deep breath, and ran for it. He ran as fast as he could out of the hospital wing, away from the horrible mistake he had made. Albus was so distracted with his thoughts that he did not see Snape coming at him from the opposite direction. The two men collided, almost knocking each other over.

"Headmaster?" Severus siad stumbling back, quickly recovering his posture and straightening his robes. "Is everything all right?"

"I've made a horrible mistake, Severus! I've got to go."

Albus didn't stop again until he got to his office. Locking himself inside while he hid behind the desk. A few minutes later he heard someone enter his office. Minerva, the real Minerva. Of course, she knew the password.

"Albus? Are you alright? I've brought you something." Cautiously poking his head round the side of the desk Albus could see Minerva. She was holding the cat against her chest. Its striped fur getting all over her green robes.

"Please Minerva," Albus said. "I don't wish to discuss this right now." Albus was trying his best to avoid eye contact with Minerva. He couldn't stand the shame of having her poke fun at him for this awful mess up.

"Albus," Minerva says in a calm, reassuring voice. "I'm not here to make fun of you."

"Oh?" How could she pass up this wonderful opportunity? He'd messed up, big time, and if he hadn't been so embarrassed he certainly would have seen the humour in it.

"No. I'm here to make sure you're alright. And to say thank you."

"Thank you?" She had to be trying to confuse him.

"Yes. Thank you for worrying. Whether it was or wasn't me, you had my back. I appreciate it."

"Oh... You're welcome."

"I feel obliged to warn you that Poppy is not going to let you hear the last of this though. She is probably still laughing. The minute you ran off she practically fell over."

"I would expect nothing less." Albus mumbled. Minerva smiled at him.

"What would you like me to do with the cat?" Minerva asked. Albus thought about this for a minute.

"Find out if it's owned by a muggle, if not then make sure that it is sent to a shelter so that it can find a home which will love and care for it."

"Actually," Minerva said. "I was thinking that if it didn't already have a home, I could adopt it. After all, I don't want all your hard work trying to 'save' her to go to waste."

Albus was about to flat out refuse, that sounded way too confusing! But when he saw the look on Minerva's face as she smiled down at her feline dopple ganger, suddenly Albus found he couldn't say no. "Very well," said Albus, "but she's getting a collar. I'm not making the same mistake twice."

  
THE END.  
  



End file.
